A Letter To Keren - מכתב לקרן

What?  A terror attack--here?  At the mall in Ginot Shomron?

Us?  You? Keren.  How did this happen?

A year has gone by.  A year in which our eyes have cried many tears and our hearts have learned pain. 

A year in which our minds and imaginations, bodies and souls have had to fight to cope with tragedy and battle for the will to go on.

Difficult?  Yes.

We thought difficult defined choosing an elective, getting a passing grade in gym, and doing well on a science test.  Our stupid little teenage fights are difficult.  So is deciding what to do on Motsei Shabbat.

Who thought that at this point in our lives, difficult would mean a friend that we would never see again?

When they got us all together to tell us that you were gone, we were in shock.

We never thought it could get so close.

Dead?  Killed?  It can’t be you…

Fear!  What do we do? How are we supposed to act?  What are we supposed to say?  Us?  Write a Hesped, a eulogy?  And most difficult- how do we go on from here?

Go back to school to try and strengthen the rest of our class, our friends, ourselves.  But now what?  Your empty chair in class, the scribbled textbooks you left behind, how can we take them out of your locker?

The smile, the radiance, the sparkling blue eyes, your unique diet of junk food and olives...

Wait.  Are we not going to call you anymore?  What do we do on your birthday? 

The lunchroom at school--do we save you a seat?

Your number is still programmed into all of our cell-phones and we can’t bring ourselves to delete it.

When the teacher takes attendance in class—are we supposed to skip your name?  Erase it?  Cross it out?  How does it work?

There are no rules for this kind of thing--its not supposed to happen.

We are all growing.  Keren, we are in 10^th grade now.  We’re going to get our licenses, graduate and do Sherut Leumi.  Our weddings are going to be so joyous and fun, but also sad.  Cause you wont be there, dancing with us.

No.

 Keren, You are going to stay 14 forever.  Just a smiling face in all of the pictures, and yet so much more.

It isn’t easy.  Everything is suddenly so different, weird, unclear, hard to get used to.

But we know that you are always with us, giving us the strength and courage to go on.

Even though you’re not here.