SCENE 1

(Outside)

MOTTIE

(Starts singing, his hat falls off)

Yerushalayim is alive with the sound of hallel

With songs they have sung for a thousand years...

(Holds out last note for a while, make a face)

 Good God!  Who wrote this script?!?

(Off stage: Mincha!  Mincha!)

MOTTIE

(runs off stage, runs back for his hat and exits.)

SCENE 2

(Curtain opens, Zach Rikud.  After Rikud, Zach exit like yeshiva Bochurs)

(Yeshiva)

(Off stage: Mincha!)

BOCHUR 1

Did you hear the one about the Rosh Yeshiva?

BOCHUR 2

You mean the one with Rish Lakish?

BOCHUR 1

Ok, I guess you have.

REBBE

(enters)

Has anyone seen Mottie?  It’s Mincha time.

BOCHUR 3

I've looked in all the usual places: The pay phones, the kitchen,  the co-ed Israel club across the street... He’s not around

REBBE

Well, if he turns up, tell him he knows where to find me...

BOCHUR 2

You got it Rebbe!  Show thing Reb...

REBBE and BOCHURS

(sing, walk around a little)

Bochur3: He wont sit still
                he’s dressed to kill

                His Kiddush’s on his shirt

Bochur2: He never learns his leining

                And he’s always getting hurt.

Bochur5/3: The bottom of his shoes are always hiding dirt

Bochur4/1: I’ve even heard him singing in tefilla.

Bochur5/2: He tries to be a Mentch

                   But he is a real Busha

Bochur4/1: He’s late for almost everything

Bochur2:    Except for Arucha

Bochur3:   And underneath his black hat

                  He wears kipa sruga

Rebbe:       Mottie’s not a middah of the Yeshiva.

Bochur1: I’d like to say a word on his behalf

Rebbe:     Say it, Reb Avrum

Bochur1: Mottie makes me laugh.

(everyone laughs)

All:         How do you solve a problem like Mottie?

               How do you keep him in the Yeshiva?

               How do you find a word that means Mottie?

Bochur2: A Schlemiel?

Bochur3/1: A Tzioynee??

Bochur4/3: A Chutzpah!?

Rebbe:    Many a Drasha you know you’d like to teach him.
    Many a pshat you wish he’d understand.

Bochur1: But how do you make him stay?
   And how do you make him pray?

Bochur5/2: How do you make things go as planned?

All:             How do you solve a problem like Mottie?

                   How do you keep Rav Kook out of his hand?

(REBBE exits left, MOTTIE runs in out of breath, right)

BOCHUR 1

Hey Mottie! 

MOTTIE

Huh?

BOCHUR 2

The Rebbe wants to see you in his office. Pronto.

MOTTIE

Sure he does... Thanks.  May Hashem have רחמנות  on my soul…

(exits)

BOCHUR 3

Musar speech time...

BOCHUR 2

It’s probably about that annoying song we just sang.

BOCHUR 1

Richilus!

SCENE 3

(Rebbe's office) 

REBBE

(talking to himself)

He’s a good talmid, but on the other hand, He’s hashpaa on my talmidim, but on the other hand, if he leaves, he’ll loose the derech, but on the other hand- THERE IS NO OTHER HAND!

MOTTIE

(walks in talking to himself)

I wonder what I did this time... What the- Is this about his pet goldfish?!?  He knows that was an accident!!!

(Reaches Rabbis desk.  Side to audience)

You wanted to see me Rebbe?

REBBE

(scary voice)

Yesssss Ie Deeeeeed.

(Cough cough-back to regular voice)

Woah!  Thought I was over that!  Sorry. Yes I did Mottie.  Sit down.

MOTTIE

(sits down, squirming...)

REBBE

Mottie, what am I going to do with you?! 

I try learning with you, I try teaching you, I even Daven for you!  It’s like you have no takana!  You learn Math and Science between shiurs, you go out and talk with non-religious jews- when you were chazan last Friday night you started a karlibach minyan! That is unacceptable! (Those Israeli movies are rotting your sechel!)

MOTTIE

But Rebbe, I-

REBBE

I think you need some time away from the Yeshiva.  Time to find your inner neshama. 

MOTTIE

Where am I supposed to go?!?  You can’t just kick me out! (Doubtful) Can you?

REBBE

Mottie, Don’t worry.  I have a plan for you.  I always have a plan.  That’s why I’m the Rosh Yeshiva...  There’s a family who lives near here.  A mother and her 7 kinderlach.  The father uluv hasholom passed away a few years ago leaving Mrs. Barbara Trattner, a publicist I believe, to raise them by herself.  She wants a Michanech for her children and I think you would be the perfect Bochur for the job. 

MOTTIE

Well... I guess, if you insist.  Do I have a choice?

REBBE

Either that, or you become the official Yeshiva shnorer...

MOTTIE

So I don’t have a choice.

SCENE 4

(Trattner house)

MOTTIE

 (arrives at the house.  He walks in and thinks he’s being greeted by Barbara, who’s really talking on her cell phone)

BARBARA

HI!!! How are you?

MOTTIE

Fine thanks, I-

BARBARA

(turns around, we see she is on phone)

So did you get that add in on time?  It HAS to make that dead line...

(Motions to Mottie that she’ll only be a minute, finishes up her conversation.)

MOTTIE

(looks in mirror, buttoning and unbuttoning his jacket, trying to look cool yet casual)

BARBARA

So you’re the best they could send? (Pause- eyebrow up) Whatever.

Lets talk business.  The kids must do exactly what you tell them.  If they think they can get away with doing whatever they want, we will have some major discipline issues here.  Understand?  Oh, and don’t go putting fanatic, crazy Zionistic ideas into their heads.

MOTTIE

So you haven’t even considered Aliyah yet?

BARBARA

Where you this much trouble in Yeshiva?

MOTTIE

Oh, much more, Mam.

BARBARA

 I don’t need that in this house.  Do we understand each other?

(MOTTIE tries to speak up, BARBARA doesn’t wait for reply)

BARBARA

Good.  So just make sure that they get out to Basketball, Soccer, Ballet, Karate, Horse back riding lessons, Piano, Jazz, Math tutoring, Pottery, Ice skating and Aerobics on time, and of course, no TV till their homework is completely finished. 

MOTTIE

(shocked)

How many children did you say you had?

BARBARA

7.  And it’s high time you met them. 

(Pulls out her cell phone dramatically, and sets of a series of rings)

THE CHILDREN

(stampede off and then on stage, see their mother, pull into a straight line: ALIZA, DANNY, LEORA, JACOB, (space) SARAH, RACHEL.

ELI

 (strolls in, very tuned into a gameboy, looks at BARBARA, gives her the Gameboy)

BARBARA

 (potches him with it, and ELI steps into line.)

This is Mottie.  He will be staying with us to help me handle you guys.  When you hear your signal, step forward, and leave your name and number after the beep.

(Kids do just that)

(Ring)

ALIZA

Aliza.  17

(Ring)

DANNY

Danny.  14

(Ring)

LEORA

Like, Leora.  12.

(Ring)

JACOB

Jacob.  11

(Ring)

ELI

Eli.  9.

(Ring)

SARAH

Sarah.  7.

(Ring)

RACHEL

Rachel. 5.

BARBARA

When I want you this is what you will hear.

(starts a new ring)

MOTTIE

(interrupts)

I do not respond to cell phones!  Cell phones are for dogs and cats and other behemas.  But not for children and definitely not for me.  It’s too… too… oh, I don’t know, it’s just TOO!

BARBARA

Here, take this phone and learn to use it

(she gives him a phone)

The children will help you.

(She starts walking away)

MOTTIE

(rings the phone.  BARBARA turns around)

Slicha, gveret.  And what about your ring?

BARBARA

Just call me Mrs. Trattner.

(She walks away)

MOTTIE

Ok, so Hi!  Can you please tell me your names one more time and how old you are, and what you would take with you if you were stuck on a desert island?

ALIZA

What is this, an icebreaker? Bnei Akiva?

(She steps forward)

I'm Aliza.  I’m 17 years old, and I do not need YOU telling ME what to do.

MOTTIE

Well…. Then I guess we'll just be friends….

DANNY

I'm Danny, I'm 14.  I don't need a teacher, because I already had my bar mitzvah last year, and that's all I need to know. 

MOTTIE

Oh, hire a teenager while he still knows everything.

LEORA

I’m Sarah.

MOTTIE

You didn't tell me how old you are… Leora.

SARAH

(steps forward)

I’m Sarah, SHE’S Leora. I'm 7 years old – Leora is 12 -- and I like you.  You're smart.

JACOB

(steps forward)

I’m Jacob.  I'm 10, and I think those are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen.  And some people tell me I’m Chutzpadic.

MOTTIE

I’ve been told that about myself before.

ELI

I’m Eli.  I’m 9 years old, and I love playing gameboy, I almost beat Zelda.

MOTTIE

I haven’t heard of that one yet.

RACHEL

(steps forward).

I’m Rachel, and I’m going to be 5 on Tuesday. 

MOTTIE

Mazal Tov! I’ve never had a job like this before, so I’ll need lots of help from you guys.

LEORA

Never come to meals on time.

ELI

Tell mom that someone called, but forget who it was.

SARAH

Always taste the food before it gets put out on the table.

DANNY

(holding his headphones on his ears. Shouting.)

 Pretend you can’t hear her, even if you can.

(MOTTIE+KIDS stare at him)

RACHEL

Don’t listen to any of them, Mottie.

MOTTIE

Why?

RACHEL

Because I like you, and I don’t want you to get into trouble. 

(Cheesy look at the audience) 

Come on, I’ll show you where you’re going to stay. 

(Walks off with MOTTIE)

SCENE 5:

(Trattner house)

(The TRATTNERS are sitting down at the dining room table, waiting for pizza.)

BARBARA

Danny, take off your hat.

DANNY

(lifts earphones)

WHAT? You want me to shave the cat?

MOTTIE

(walks in late, and sits down on hackey sack)

Ahhhhhh!!!!

(He leaps up, and shows the audience the hackey sack to the audience, then kicks it over to the audience)

BARBARA

Are you ok?

MOTTIE

Yeah, yeah… I’m ok….

 (Doorbell rings)

LEORA

That must be the pizza!

(Jumps up to the door and brings the pizza to the table)

ALIZA

(whispers to Leora)

Who delivered the pizza?

LEORA

It’s not delivery, its Dijor No! I’ve always wanted to say that.

DANNY

(yells)

WHAT?

(Takes headphones off)

You wanna know who DELIVERED the PIZZA?

JACOB

Was it RAFI?

LEORA

(matter-of-factly)

Yeah, it was Rafi.

DANNY, JACOB, and ELI

Ooooooo, Raaaafi….

ALIZA

(rolls eyes)

Uch. Mom, can I be excused?

BARBARA

May I be excused WHAT?

ALIZA

May I be excused NOW?

BARBARA

Ehh-hem!

DANNY

(teasing)

Say it like you mean it!

ALIZA

May I PLEASE be excused from the table?

BARBARA

Fine. But come back before the end of next scene.

SCENE 6:

(Outside. In front of curtains)

RAFI

(sitting on edge of stage, eating popcorn)

ALIZA

(comes and starts eating it also)

I’m so happy you came by.

RAFI

Yeah. 

(Awkward, long pause – RAFI and ALIZA are looking at the audience, eating.)

RAFI

Wow. This audience is really boring.

ALIZA

So, how was your day?

RAFI

Well, excellent, but this might be my last run.

ALIZA

What do you mean, did you lose your job?

RAFI

Well, apparently, you’re supposed to wash your hands after you use the bathroom.

ALIZA

(pulling her hand quickly out of the popcorn, wiping it on the stage. )

(Under her breath)

That is disgusting.

(out loud)

What are you gonna do?

RAFI

I don’t think I need to worry. Your family has plenty of money to go around. 

ALIZA

What?  How could you THINK that?

RAFI

Well, someone’s gotta do the thinking around here.  Oh, by the way, I heard the greatest joke today at work. Here’s how it goes:  (chauvinist joke)

ALIZA

 I can’t believe you would say such a thing, you chauvinist pig! 

(Runs off crying)

SCENE 7:

(Mottie’s room, Thunder and Lightning storm)

MOTTIE

(shteiging)

ALIZA

(quietly climbs in his window, but her foot catches on something, and she falls flat on her face)

MOTTIE

(Yiddish line) Aaah! How did you get up here?

ALIZA

(holding back tears)

I used the window…. Why, How did YOU get up here?

MOTTIE

Well, I used the door.

ALIZA

I’ll try that next time. 

(Tries to smile, but starts to cry)

MOTTIE

(British accent)

Little girl, why are you crying?

ALIZA

I lost my shadow.

MOTTIE

Really? What are ya- Peter Pan? I guess that explains the window.

(laughs at his own joke)

Are you OK?

ALIZA

(shakes her head)

I will survive

MOTTIE

Do you want to talk about it?

ALIZA

No

MOTTIE

What happened? Does it have to do with that pizza Bochur?

ALIZA

Well you obviously know, so I’ll just tell you. Rafi and I aren’t seeing each other anymore. We had a fight. I thought that things were going so well between us and we were serious about our relationship. But tonight- he was different. Something was very strange about his behavior. Suddenly I have doubts about what is going through his mind. Is he after my family’s money? How can I trust him? Mottie, what do you think?

MOTTIE

Yeaaaaaaah… (Thinking)… you’ve got the right idea.

ALIZA

About breaking up with Rafi?

MOTTIE

 Yup- that’s what I was gonna say.

ALIZA

Thank you so much.

(walks towards the door)

RACHEL

(runs in, knocking Aliza down)

MOTTIE

Boy Aliza, Gravity has been working really hard on you today.

Rachel, are you scared?

RACHEL

(shakes her head. More thunder, covers her ears)

MOTTIE

Are you sure you’re not scared?? You know Rachel, there’s a bracha that you say when you hear thunder.

RACHEL

There is? (pause) What is it?

MOTTIE

ברוך אתה ה' אלוקינו מלך העולם שכוחו וגבורתו מלא עולם

RACHEL

 Why does the sky make those sounds?

(More thunder)

SARAH and LEORA

(come running in)

RACHEL

Do you guys know that thunder has a bracha?

SARAH

 (in scared voice)

What is it?

RACHEL:

Cocoa granola bar Maria’s dumb.

MOTTIE and ALIZA

(laugh)

(More thunder)

JACOB, DANNY and ELI

(run in)

MOTTIE:

You boys were also scared?

DANNY

Oh no, we just wanted to make sure that… um...

JACOB

That…you weren’t scared

MOTTIE

(sarcastic)

Thanks for checking.

ELI

Mottie, what do you do when you get scared?

MOTTIE

I think of my favorite things. That usually helps me feel better. What kind of things do you like?

(KIDS yell out, one after the other-fast)

SARAH

Presents

DANNY

Shabbos walks with Rebecca

(EVERYONE stops and looks at him)

DANNY

…hypothetically of course.

RACHEL

Shlock Rock

JACOB

Dress down days.

(ELI and DANNY grunt in agreement)

ELI

Power Puff Girl cups

LEORA

Excused absences

MOTTIE

I like learning, food, Israel…

(MOTTIE sings)

Walking around proudly with my Kipa

Hearing the shofar on Rosh HaShana

Karlibach Minyan Shabbat Mevarchim

These are a few of my favorite things

Rained on by candies from over the Mechitza

Not being Fleishig when handed free pizza

Learning Tanach about Navis and Kings

These are a few of my favorite things

When the Rabbi

Speaks forever

When the Chulent’s cold

I simply remember my favorite things

And then all the good unfolds.

(6th+Zach girls Rikud)

(KIDS + MOTTIE sing again)

(Middle of song, MOTTIE is near the door)

BARBARA

 (storms in)

HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DANNY

Just a second Mom, we’re not done with this number, I’ve got a solo coming up.

BARBARA

What is going on in here? Did I not make myself perfectly clear? Did you not read the contract? Did you not sign on the dotted line?

MOTTIE

Yes, uh-no, uh- maybe?

BARBARA

These kids are out of bed 42 minutes after their bedtime. Are you trying to show me that you don’t believe in this rule?

MOTTIE

Nnnooo…

BARBARA

Will you purposely go against my rules every night?

MOTTIE

(Army style) Only during thunderstorms, sir! Uh-Mam.

BARBARA

I see. Back to bed kids- pronto.

(KIDS and BARBARA leave)

MOTTIE

(sings end of song, dances near curtains. Looks at curtains, and then at clothing left behind by kids. Takes down the curtains, puts in bag, and climbs out the window)

(6th + Zach girls RIKUD)

SCENE 8

(Sitting on grass in park)

MOTTIE

 … and that is how יהושע captured יריחו.

DANNY

Awesome!

ELI

Let’s try that in the garage…

JACOB

Yeah! Mom would murder us…

JACOB, ELI and DANNY

Yeah!

LEORA

It was really nice of you to make us clothes out of the curtains. They’re much easier to move around in, and Israeli style is kinda cool.

DANNY

Hey Mottie, I didn’t know you could sew.

MOTTIE

I can’t. Last night I climbed out the window and took the curtains to a seamstress.

ALIZA

You did? Out the window? You should try the door…

MOTTIE

Thanks, I will…

SARAH

Does Mom know that we’re having a picnic in the park?

MOTTIE

Sort of.

ALIZA

Sort of???

MOTTIE

She knows we came to the park to have a shiur here, cause it’s a nice day. She
might assume that we’re eating cause its lunchtime, but I’m not sure.

DANNY

Mottie, you’re so cool! Everyone else who’s taken care of us does exactly what Mom says. NO one goes against her. You actually have your own shtick.

MOTTIE

Well I’m not known for following rules exactly. Ask anyone from my yeshiva…Now I told your mom that we’d learn in the park. How about learning a Nigun?

(Starts singing a tune…)

JACOB

(looking at kids)

Um, actually we'd rather learn something else…

MOTTIE

Oookkkkkk, what do want to learn?

JACOB

If we knew what we wanted to learn, we would already know it, so we wouldn’t have to learn it, would we?

MOTTIE

Yeeaaaah.

SONG

SCENE 9

(outside house)

(MOTTIE and KIDS coming home)

BARBARA

(comes out front door, hears singing and sees new clothes)

OH MY GOSH! ANI B’SHOK! Go inside and change your clothes.

(KIDS

 (go inside)

BARBARA

What do you call these outfits my children are wearing?

MOTTIE

Tsnieusdik!

BARBARA

And where, may I ask, did you get these clothes from?

MOTTIE

I used the old curtains in my room.

BARBARA

My kids have been running around the park in old shamatas???

MOTTIE

And they’ve been having a wonderful time.

BARBARA

What if some of my clients had seen them? That would have been disastrous!  I don’t know what to do with you Mottie. Maybe you’re just not right for this family… Mottie, I hired you to teach my kids and to discipline them, not to put crazy ideas in their heads! Go inside and pack your bags.

(To herself with attitude)

Good help is so hard to find these days.

(Sound of singing comes from house)

BARBARA

What’s that sound?

MOTTIE

It’s children singing

BARBARA

Yes, I know that, but which children?

MOTTIE

Uh duh, yours…

BARBARA

Mine? My children don’t know how to sing! They don’t have time to sing!

MOTTIE

They do now.

(BARBARA goes inside, MOTTIE follows)

(Curtain opens- Inside House)

(kids finish song+ guitar)

BARBARA

There hasn’t been singing in this house for so long… and the clothes aren’t that bad, they’ll just take some getting used to. I apologize, Mottie- Please stay.

SCENE 10

(outside)

(MOTTIE’s walking outside. RAFI comes up to him)

RAFI

You know Mottie, I’m pretty sure Aliza has a crush on you.

MOTTIE

(shocked)

She does? (sounds worried)

RAFI

It’s sooo obvious.  But let’s talk here mano el mano. I want to help you. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just trying to look out for you. I think that if Mrs. Trattner were to find out about this, you might be searching for a new job, if you know what I mean.  I don’t think Mrs. Trattner intended to hire such a young guy as yourself.

MOTTIE

What should I do?

RAFI

Hey I’m just the pizza guy. But if you really wanna know what I think… I think it would be smart if you just left. I won’t tell them the real reason, don’t worry.

MOTTIE

(goes inside)

RAFI

Loser!!!

SCENE 11

(Inside house)

MOTTIE

(comes in, leaves note by door, leaves)

(close curtain. Open again)

SARAH, RACHEL and BARBARA

(on stage reading the note)

RACHEL

Why did Mottie leave?

BARBARA

Didn’t you read his note?

RACHEL

No.

(reads note out loud)

MOTTIE

(behind the scenes, erasing stuff etc.)

Dear Trattners,

I’m grieved to inform you of my sudden departure. I just couldn’t stay. This was neither my first nor last intention. Shlengam. (Wait, that doesn’t make any sense) [eraser]

Um, So long, Farewell, auviderzane… what does that mean anyways… [eraser]

(Background)

JACOB

Mottie, are you coming bowling?

MOTTIE

I’m busy

Um, yeah, goodbye, and you can e-mail me at mottie@bneiakiva.org or visit me at my homepage rabbijablon.com oops. [eraser] I mean mottie.com

SARAH

He didn’t even say goodbye.

BARBARA

He did in the note.

SARAH

I’m not impressed. It’s not the same.

SCENE 12

(yeshiva)

ALIZA, DANNY, LEORA, JACOB, ELI

 (come to yeshiva gate)

 BOCHUR 1+3

 (open gate, turn away so as not to see the girls)

ALIZA

Shalom, we are the Trattner kids and we’d like to speak to Mottie.

BOCHUR 1

The Trattner kinderlach? I’m sorry. You can’t see Mottie right now, he’s talking to the Rebbe.

DANNY

(Kooshi)

Please man, he’s our friend. We’ve gotta talk to him.

BOCHUR 3

Go on home. We can’t help you right now.

ALIZA

(sighs)

Let’s go guys. We’re obviously not gonna get any help here.

SCENE 13

(Rebbe’s office)

(REBBE at desk, MOTTIE across, was crying)

MOTTIE

Rebbe, I don’t know what to do, it’s wonderful but it’s horrible. How can I go back there?

REBBE

(with puzzled face)

MOTTIE

Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?

REBBE

Actually, I was once in a similar situation, many many moons ago…

(split scene- REBBE runs to other side of stage)

FISHERMAN

Fish, get your fish!

REBBE

That’s odd, the fisherman never comes this early in the morning.

FISHERMAN

Get ‘em while they’re dead!

REBBE

And he never comes on Fridays…

(GOAT on leash runs away, knocks FISHERMAN over, fish fly everywhere, attacks the REBBE)

(split over- REBBE runs back)

REBBE

So you see, I too was once in the same situation…

Oy Mottie, Teachers are role models, and running away from your fears is not the example you should be setting. Go back to the Trattner’s house, you’ll find your derech.

SCENE 14

(house)

RACHEL

I miss Mottie.

ALIZA

Me too.

JACOB

(sing-song)

Aliza likes Mottie! Aliza likes Mottie!

ELI

Don’t you like Mottie? You want him to come back don’t you?

JACOB

Of course, but…

ELI

See, you like Mottie too, so don’t make fun of Aliza.

RACHEL

I wish Mottie would come back.

LEORA

Mottie said that when we’re sad we should sing about our favorite things.

DANNY

Let’s try it.

 (start singing. Sadly)

Checking out girls from

(ELI + JACOB join in)

over the Mechitza

(GIRLS join in)

Not being Fleishig

When handed free pizza

RACHEL

Why don’t I feel better?

KIDS

Learning Atnach about Navis and Kings

MOTTIE

(comes on, joins in)

These are a few of my favorite things.

(They run over and the boys hug him. Leora shomer negia high fives him)

SARAH

Are you back to stay?

MOTTIE

We’ll see.

(glances to Heaven, and then to ALIZA)

ELI

I missed you so much Mottie.

MOTTIE

I missed you guys too.

SCENE 15

(house/outside)

BARBARA

(on cell phone)

…But I told you I am not available. Tomorrow is the Sabbath, we’ve gone through this before… I know about the deadlines- I understand that… no I’m not trying to throw the work on other people’s shoulders. I’m a responsible businesswoman… But you can’t do that, I've been working for you for years!…. Yes I understand, I’ll think this over, over the weekend…

SCENE 16

MOTTIE

So you see, according to the Rav Kook, Galut is only a dress rehearsal for our lives in Eretz Yisrael.

ELI

I want to visit there sometime.

LEORA

Yeah, that would be so much fun.

RACHEL

Let’s go pack our bags!

(runs off stage with SARAH)

DANNY

Woah - don’t get too excited.

KIDS (except ALIZA)

(run off stage)

MOTTIE

(continues Shteiging)

ALIZA

Israel sounds like such an amazing place.

MOTTIE

(looks up, surprised that she’s still there)

Yeah, I have plans to live there some day- hopefully soon.

ALIZA

You know Mottie, you’ve taught us so much, you don’t know how much I, we appreciate that. Thanks for coming back.

MOTTIE

Well, love is contagious… that is love of Israel of course!

ALIZA

Yeah…

DIRECTOR

CUT! Enough with this Mushy Gushy stuff! Back to the plot!

MOTTIE + ALIZA

But…

DIRECTOR

No Buts! Or rather only your butts getting off stage!

(All exit)

SCENE 17

(Office)

BARBARA

(storms in, SECRETARY slows her down)

SECRETARY

Um, you can’t go in there

BARBARA

Is he in a meeting?

SECRETARY

No

BARBARA

On the phone?

SECRETARY

No

BARBARA

So why can’t I go in?

SECRETARY

You don’t have an appointment

BARBARA

OUT OF MY WAY!

SECRETARY

(running after her into office, talking fast)

OK, I’ll see what I can do!…

BARBARA

What do you mean I’m fired?

BOSS

Everyone was here yesterday, working on the company’s biggest project of the year. Everyone but you.

SECRETARY

Yeah, You.

BARBARA

I already told you, I don’t work on the Sabbath.

BOSS

That’s fine and dandy.

BARBARA

I knew you’d understand.

BOSS

I don’t, you’re fired.

SECRETARY

Yeah, fired!

BOSS

I can speak for myself, you know.

SECRETARY

Yeah, he can speak for… Oh.

BARBARA

You can’t fire me. I quit!

SCENE 18

Alef dance: “Ain’t gonna work on Saturday…” in front of curtain

SCENE 19

(house)

KIDS

 (sitting around on couches with books, arguing/learning)

JACOB

The six day war was in 1968.

ELI

NO, it was in ’67. That’s when they captured the kotel…

BARBARA

(Comes in)

MOTTIE and ALIZA

(walk in together)

(KIDS + BARBARA give them a look)

BARBARA

I’m glad you’re all here. I have to talk to you.

MOTTIE

(gets up to leave)

BARBARA

No Mottie, you can stay, you’re practically family. Chevre, it would seem that I am currently unemployed.

LEORA

Why? What happened?

BARBARA

I refused to work on Shabbat.

JACOB

You go girl!

BARBARA

Outta line Jacob, but thanks. I wanted to ask you what you think we should do now.

(talking to herself)

We’ll probably need to move, I need to find a new job, I think there might be something in Detroit…

SARAH

Eww, How about Israel?

DANNY

Yeah, they won’t fire you for not working on Shabbat in Israel

ELI

Israel? Hey, isn’t it warmer there?

LEORA

They have real Jewish music there.

MOTTIE + ALIZA

(looking at each other)

Israel.

BARBARA

(looks at kids, slowly smiles)

Israel!

SCENE 20

(Power Point)

Airport, Everyone climbing onto plane, Mottie next to Aliza. El Al plane taking off.